Thursday, October 21, 2004
Weird Flashings
This thing just posted a blank blog. VERY weird. Every time I'd type a letter, it would flash the screen black, and when I went to check on what weird program may have been active and interfering, I get returned to a "Message Posted" screen. WHAT MESSAGE? I'm almost afraid to look.
Ah well.
I think I menitoned before, I passed fatness up recently and joined the ranks of the obese. I moo when I have to get out of a chair. I grunt and oink when I open the fridge door.
I have put myself on the little-known Lanie diet. Lanie's real name is Melanie. She's in her mid-30s and thinks she's fat when her waist gets over 22".
The diet is this: eat anything you want for breakfast. Once in a while really indulge and stuff, otherwise just have a few healthy sensible things with all your fatty stuff. Do not eat from 8 am till noon. You get an hour. That's it.
The rest of the day, you may eat all the fat-free, low-salt pretzels you want. You may drink unsweetened iced tea. When you are SO sick of pretzels just looking at them gives you the dry heaves, you can dip them in dressings, sauces, whatever you wish (except cream cheese), just enough for a bit of flavor as you munch them.
Skip the scales every few days, but when you've lost 10 pounds, reward yourself either with a restaurant dinner or junk food dinner, then back on the diet. Last time I was a hog, I lost 35 pounds in 3 months doing this. I hope I don't need to donate skin from this, but I damn sure will. Burn centers everywhere need skin anyway.
Worst part of being this fat is going to the beach. Some damned old sailing ship keeps showing up, and this one-legged one-eyed goofball keeps screaming "Thar he blows! The white whale!" and pitching harpoons at me.
I'll probably keep you posted whether you want to be or not.
