Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Hickinstix
I was born in Oklahoma. There's some kind of stigma attached to that, which I find interesting. The more charitable, or those seeking common ground, begin with "Great football teams. Great." Yeah. They are. And time after time, sportsdogs across the country predict their fall from college dominance. They're always wrong, much like weatherdogs.
I lived Opie Taylor's onscreen life, not Ron Howard's real one. I lived in a town with a population less than 1,000, yet some of my farm-boy cousins considered me a "city slicker".
I see a lot of message board posts lately, and receive the same lame-ass e-mail jokes as everyone else about redneck this, backwoods that, marrying your first cousin, etc. I still laugh at the best ones, but I'm coming to an understanding I find bothersome: There are people, especially northern Americans, who believe this tripe. It's one of the huge venting areas at present; supposedly the most intelligent elite voted for Kerry, the ignorant hicks voted for Bush. Them there elite must be feelin' mighty lonely and outnumbered at present.
I can't blame the northerners for promoting this mess; they don't generally run around with Civil War uniforms on, or Old Glory adorning their back windshield, unless they're re-enactors or making a movie.
There never was a TV series where two Brooklyn boys painted a hot Camaro orange, named it the General Grant, and went tear-assing around NYC proper, let alone Hoboken.
What was originally southern has become more widespread than people like to admit. Western thought and behavior permeate a lot of "southern" behavior. The cowboy made a comeback, thanks to (damn him) John Travolta. A Jersey boy would reactivate a part of American culture, while twisting hell out of it. Who knew?
The vituperative criticism, however, is real, and heartfelt. The problems of inept and inadequate education are spread all over this nation, but seem to be perceived as southern in nature. Some of those ranting folk can't spell that well. I may be a hick, but I was a proofreader/editor for a commercial printer for 13 years.
Bear with me, I may actually be stumbling toward a point here. Ah! Got one back.
During the Great Depression, when many farms went belly-up, there was a mass migration of Oklahomans (Okies) out west. Driving beat-up pickups, model Ts, mattresses and belongings roped to the top, they migrated. They'd just LEFT a dusty nowhere; you think they stopped in Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada? NOT. They moved to CALIFORNIA. Yep. That state where the ultimate cool folk live, the elite, the creme de la ejaculate. They should probably start checking some of those attitudes toward a realignment. Y'hear me, cousins?
Oh sure, we are all a bunch of inbred pettifoggers down there. Bill is my momma's sister's best friend's uncle-in-law. That would make him my brother!
It is ironinc that the very people Teresa Hienz-Kerry probably curses under her smug garroulous breath are the very ones that ensured her husband will be sucking hind tit for the rest of his life.
I think this red states/blue states separation is just a sour grapes reaction since the Dems lost the election. All us red states stick together Democrats. You'll need to do better in 2008 when Hillary is running.
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