Sunday, March 06, 2005
Planes Of Limbo
Greetings and salutations and stuff. I'm riding the emotional roller-coaster still. Though most tell-tales indicate he's doing ok, my father is either lost in a Demerol haze or still a tad disconnected from his strokes. This afternoon he was insisting every LED in the room was a camera filming him, for what reason he wouldn't say.
He might or might not make it, as they keep reminding me.
Oddly, I don't feel deeply sorry for myself. I'm worried, I don't want to lose him, but I've had so many friends and relatives lose parents while they're much younger than I am. This is one of those life inevitabilities you have to face and deal with. I also have the added knowledge that Dad is a massively stubborn man; if he decides he's going to live, he's going to live.
I'm puttering around every day, living my normal life, then going to the hospital, then my job, then home, the hospital, my job. My friends are trying to reach out, get me to go places and do things, but for now, I gotta be with Dad. If this is his ending time, I want him to know he's not alone. Of course, if it's not, I gotta have all my packrat junk out of here so the nurses can visit and help take care of him when he comes home. I don't think he'll ever have as much strength as he did, and I'm not sure how muc lucidity he'll have either. He's been pretty good a few times so...again, I wait and see.
I seem to have this unfortunate problem: my toilet urges coincide with several peoples' urges to call me. My answering machine went to its reward, and I've not replaced it. So, it's been...awkward. Well, while picking up a few needed supplies today, what did I see? A 50-foot telephone cord! So now, friends and relatives can enjoy every splash, grunt, ejection noise along with me! I'll decide on an individual basis who gets a chunk-by-chunk report. It will be colorful, or at least descriptive.
Tracy, one of my Angels, was the latest caller. I decided 12:30 at night was PROBABLY a safe time to go. However, it was a sad and serious situation. Her baby, just over a year old, choked on something, and after they cleared his air passage, he went into seizure. They'd called paramedics, who tried to stabilize him and rushed him to the hospital. After being examined there, he was sent home. As Tracy was putting him to bed, he had yet another seizure. The paramedics took him to a more distant, but in their opinion, a better hospital, and he spent last night in ICU with no further seizures after he got there, was examined and received medication. I've not heard today, I figure she's too busy to call.
Y'all stay healthy out there, ok? No more illness, sadness. Good things only. Bless you and then some.
