Monday, May 30, 2005
Living In Zen Compost
I've posted before I have been a karate teacher. I've done this for years, under other teachers, and, finally, with a very fine partner on my own. The story of the forming of that partnership, which has grown into a brotherhood, is worth a blog of its own, and perhaps sometime, I will.
He and I both came to Karate from other Martial Arts. His father was, for a time, self-defense instructor at West Point. My father was an ex-cop, ex-streetfighter. Much like the grand tradition of ancient Wu Shu (the fighting part of Kung Fu), each of our fathers imparted their personal fighting techniques and styles on us, and we still use them today. But the basis of what we became lies in an obscure offshoot of Chubu Shorin-Ryu Okinawan karate called "Karenzukai".
My instructor was a lithe, painfully thin tournament fighter named Jackie Mole. Rick, my partner, was taught by Robert Jackson, who took over as Chief Instructor when Mr. Mole stepped down to pursue other things.
Rick and I came up through the ranks loving much about our chosen way, and hating some things. Secrecy was one of the things we hated a lot. I personally hated the level of pain I was put through to attain my abilities, but looking back...there was no other way. But like I said, that's for another blogging session.
There was a woman Rick had befriended and tried to help through various problems she gave herself over the years. I met her through him, dated her briefly, and by mutual consent, we got the hell away from each other. She met and married a very nice man who worshipped the ground she walked on. I was Security Dude at her wedding, since her husband was friends with a massive batch of practical jokers. After identifying potential troublemakers and assuring them I was prepared to go as far as needed to make this a beautiful, unpranked wedding, it went off without a hitch.
Let's call this woman "R". Well, conversationally, R approached me one day and asked, "Do you and Rick practice magic?" Well, this one came out of left field.
"No. No way. Why?"
"Well, where do you get your power?"
"My....power? It comes from using my hips instead of my upper body to drive my techniques. That's no secret."
She was getting exasperated.
"No, not that. I've seen a lot of karate teachers. I've dated a lot of karate guys. My husband's teacher is higher rank than you and you could kick his butt without trying."
"He's slowing down. He eats too well. He's older than me. I hear he was pretty dynamic when he was young."
"It's more than that, damn it! You're faster than everybody. You know more tricky moves, have more surprise techniques that nobody's seen before than any other teacher. And you guys are super-powerful all the time. You can do more of the exercises longer than any of the students. That takes a lot of power."
"And have you ever asked Rick this question?"
"He started off by telling me you both have Purple Haze belts in Fing Fang Fu, the secret style that clouds peoples' minds," she answered, and I started laughing. She even giggled, though she was too serious about this to stay amused.
"Then he asked me why I was worried about that? He said if I wanted to be good, it took a lot of sweat, dedication and hard work, and I'd be good."
"Sounds right to me."
"Bullshit! You two don't train every night. I've seen you! You sit around, watch movies, practice on your guitars. Some nights you don't exercise at all! You smoke cigarettes! Rick had asthma as a kid. So what's the secret?"
I gave a dramatic sigh.
"You know, sometimes you suck at keeping secrets."
"I can keep a secret! I keep LOTS of secrets."
This of course, was a bareface lie. She's one of the biggest gossips I ever met.
"There is a technique passed down from Sensei to Sensei, from back in Okinawa, where karate was really invented."
She was hooked. I could see it in her eyes. She sat down in a chair without realizing it.
"First, we have to have cut down palm logs with hatchets. No chainsaws, no axes, only hatchets. We could probably get even more power if we did this monthly, but we only do it once or twice a year. We stash the logs in the woods by the river."
"Why?"
"Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, can see this ritual. If we think we're being seen, we have to dive off, swim far enough away to get ashore without being spotted, and the ritual is blown for the month."
Next we have to collect a few hundred feet of vines. We're not allowed to used rope, even natural nope. The entire palm raft has to be tied together with vines."
"Why?"
"Something to do with communing with nature. I'm not sure."
"Okay."
"Now this is the hard part. You know those stupid little flowers that only bloom at dusk? The blue ones?"
"I've seen those!"
"Well, we have to gather several hundred of them. We have to boil them, get the dye out of them. This takes HOURS. Rendering the moisture out of it till it's a thick blue paint."
"You paint the raft?"
"No. At exactly five minutes before midnight, we hand-paddle the raft out into the river. We have an anchor made from a vine tied around a rock. Our clothes are back onshore. We have about two minutes to totally paint ourselves with this damn blue dye. The raft has to float high and dry, because the water will wash the dye right off."
She sits bolt upright, grinning now.
"Okay, now you're telling me bullshit."
"Fine. It's bullshit. Forget it."
And I start to stand up.
"Wait...."
"Yeah."
"You're serious, arent' you?"
"I can say so, but whether I am or not is for you to choose. "
She sits back down.
"All right. I'm sorry. Please. Tell me the rest."
"We start on opposite ends of the raft. We have to do the same thing at the same time or it tips and we lose our shot. We do a ritual form, part kata, part some kind of native dance. After that we chug down a drink from Coconut Milk and Pineapple juice. It's fermented, and kind of nasty, but by the next day, we could knock a bull down with a straight punch. It works, but we're not sure why. But now you know. And if you run that mouth and blabber it, I'll know it's you. Nobody else knows it."
"I'll never tell anybody! I SWEAR TO GOD."
Ironically she DID keep it a secret for almost a year!
The she asked my new wife...
