Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Timing and Drumsticks and Wet Stuff
Ah, the things that musing does to me!
There was a time when an AOL Writer's area actually featured a blurb about showing up to see what was newly crawling out of my festering brain, or something like that. Most flattering.
I was driving along today, and remembered a lady friend discussing giving birth. This brought up an even earlier memory of a brother-in-law describing how his wife's anus came poking out as she was giving birth. I mean, what was that? Hemorrhoids? Just part of what happens? Fascinating, Captain. It's life, in process.
Anyway, the later revelation that totally changed me was speaking of the first thing to exit her body being a mucus plug which, apparently, is a permanent resident of the uterus until time to give birth, at which point it comes out. Does it shoot out like a wiggly bullet? Travel along kegeling waves until gently ejected? Has anyone ever been hit in the eye with one?
It crossed my mind that from that point on, for the rest of my life, whether with one woman or legions of them, I'll be wondering if I'm smacking into a mucus plug or not.
This, quite naturally, led me to the thought of those women who, when orgasmic, "gush". That's right, guys. It's not even as uncommon as I thought. The right woman, in the right circumstances, can coat your lower abdomen (or....you get the picture) with a release that makes your piddling spoo blast look like nothing.
It's best I never had to experience such things as a young lad. I'd have been desperately searching through the sticky stuff for a plug to seal her up before she flattened out like a deflated toy.
The other day, I indulged a wish I'd had since childhood. I have ALWAYS wanted a set of drumsticks. I don't care about the drum. I can always turn a plastic bucket upside down, or tap on the stainless cooking pots. Part of the fun of them, I always thought, was finding various sounds from various surfaces I drum on.
Well, while buying a new amplifier cord for my guitar and a fistful of picks, I saw a whole shelf section devoted to various sizes, types and qualities of drumsticks. It took me 45 minutes to decide.
I keep them at home to spare others. I drum on the toilet when I'm not reading "Scary Spasms In Hairy Chasms" by BigHominid, aka Kevin Kim. (I think you can get it on Amazon.com. Or order it from his website. Amazing book. This is my second reading). Sometimes I read computer magazines. Sometimes I drum on them.
I'll never be a great drummer, probably not even a good one. But I grab them up sometimes when a favorite song is on, learn some of the drumming in it, sometimes pick up on a particular sound I like a lot. Helps my timing immensely. But know what's coolest of all? I always thought it would be FUN having drumsticks around. Pencils, etc. are no substitute for the real thing. I was right. They're GREAT!
