Saturday, August 20, 2005
BloggenSchlackenMuzzleFarker
Hot smokin' puppies I haven't blogged in nearly a MONTH! A human estrus cycle. A moonhowl to a moonhowl. So much and so little has transpired. I think my father is retreated into some kind of hypnogogy world where he's ok, can probably fly at will simply by opening his arms. Sometimes he growls angrily and incoherently, others he comes to this reality reluctantly and only long enough to tell me he's sleepy, he's dreaming, and wants to get back to it. Dream on, Dad. It's got to be sweeter where you're hanging out than it is being awake. I'll be up there soon, despite your instructions. I want to see what's in your eyes.
Basher the Wonder Dog is doing well after surgery on his ear. They actually used some of that loose skin on the side of his neck to patch some bad spots on his ear.
The rest of life...I've lost about 40 pounds, but am still obese, just LESS obese. I'm going to lose more. My goal is to be near "right" by November, my birthday. It's interesting, being obese. People do treat you differently. Women see you as harmless, as long as you don't act insane or stay angry. Men see you as non-threatening. Fat people need to be jolly. There again lies the beauty of the internet. I don't have to be jolly, cheerful, reasonable. I can argue, rant, rave and be obnoxious in chatrooms, message boards, everywhere! Then I can do the jolly thing in real life. Balance is good.
Of course, I'm still a political animal, if not entirely a sane or practical one. I came up with this idea, you see...no, actually, I STOLE half this idea. First, we need to find every bill unpaid by hospitals, clinics, etc. about illegal Mexican aliens. Then we need to send them to president Vincente Fox of Mexico, with 180 days to pay up. While he's reeling from this, gather up all the illegal Mexicans in prisons and insane asylums, slip them in with the regular population of illegals, and ship them all back to Mexico at once.
Now since it would not only be politically incorrect but just plain WRONG to single out the Mexicans, who are mostly pretty great people, we can follow up with all the other illegal aliens from wherever, and bill THEIR governments, too.
While Fox is trying to figure out what to do, which isn't his strong point other than "dump 'em on the U.S." we need to invade Canada, try to defeat them without a shot, and declare them our 51st state. The French can move to the biggest Island and become an independent nation if they want to.
Then, when Fox does a DeGaulle and says "Forget it, I'm not paying," we invade Mexico, conquer it as bloodlessly as possible, and declare it our 52nd state. This might be harder. Mexicans make great fighters. They were in olden times, they are now.
Ok, there. I've solved some serious economic problems for the US. Think I'll sleep for a few hours.
Congrats on the weight loss... 40 pounds is fan-damn-tastic.
So-- is your part of Florida getting pummeled by the hurricane?
Kevin
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