Thursday, December 01, 2005
Zen Bastardry: Circles Of Fire And Ice
The strangest thing has happened to me. A friend's daughter's boyfriend has taken a disliking to me. He's a most arrogant little tickturd, though listening to his raging rants makes me laugh. He's 21, grandson of a retired NASA Upper Echelon Dweeb, and so obnoxious his parents kicked him out years ago. I think he's a bagboy at a grocery store.
I was speaking with my friend the other night, when Dingus McDork actually pulled the phone from her hand and began berating me, accusing me of boffing my friend, etc. I told him he was an obnoxious twit and to grow up. After laughing at the ensuing tirade, I tired of it and hung up on him.
My friend called me a few minutes later to tell me that young laddybuck was headed my way to give me a sound thrashing. I asked her if he'd be able to find me, and she said, "I drew him a map to your house." I suspect my friend wishes me to, as my late Mother often described it, "Show him the error of his ways."
I strongly doubted he'd show; his bluster and temper seem to show up when he's around women, and vanish in the presence of men. I decided to do some self-analysis while I waited, mostly for something to do. Was I afraid? No. Was I angry? No. I felt almost nothing with a possible fight with a young healthy man impending. Perhaps it's the knowledge/confidence of being a trained fighter, both in Karate and by an ex-Recon Marine, but I'd already decided what to do to him, how to do it, and the fight would be finished in a few seconds. I was determined not to hurt him badly, just put him on the ground, render him helpless, then let him go. If he tried to retaliate while being released, I had a plan B in place. Plan B would hurt more, just to emphasize the futility of attacking me further, but still cause no visible damage.
My prediction was correct. He didn't show up. He will NEVER show up. I don't mind that at all, as long as he also never speaks to me again. If he runs me through the whole thing again, I'm going to change the rules. I'll put in a non-emergency call to the cops. I might even let him hit me a couple of times, put on the old "oh, I'm fat, middle aged, got a bad back" thing (especially since it's all true!), and let him visit a county facility, enjoy the ambience and the cuisine, not to mention the invitation to stay for an extended visit. He'll get to meet some of the county's most upstanding citizens, including a Judge or two, Prosecuting Attorney, Public Defender, Bailiffs, and watch several gifted attorneys in action. I could widen his social circle and his education. What could be better?
I went fishing with Brian of house-cleaning fame again. He caught one, I caught none. Also went pool-shooting with Karate dojo brother Rick. He beat me 7 games, I beat him 4. I stripped two more old computers of useful parts and silicon parts and got rid of the guts. I gotta find the guy who recycles silicon. I've got a monster box full already.
Did Thanksgiving with part of my extended family. My former supervisor at the printing plant I started out in died, but his wife is still alive. I was best man at their older daughter's two weddings, I work for their former son-in-law, and their granddaughters are two of my Angels. I had dinner at his widow's place with their two oldest daughters, their boyfriends, and one of the boyfriends' mother. Had ALL the traditional food, including a cornbread stuffing that I had thirds of, came home laden with leftover goodies which I munched on for days. Now it's December.
Next blog, possibly: How I got ripped off by the Rehab Center, any conclusion to the Obnoxious Twit story, and hopefully some more and better reports of my "Get A Life" program.
Like the man said, "Good little boys and girls sleep with their hands ABOVE the covers."
