Saturday, April 22, 2006
Anal Advertising
I have a "special" connection to advertising and advertisers. The asshole cult church I was victimized by for years, the Worldwide Church Of God, was founded by an advertising man. Yep, Herbert W. Armstrong, buttwipe extraordinaire, started off in advertising. Maybe it's not such a huge leap, from evil manipulating advertising liar to Evangelistic fraud and liar.
I'd say everyone who watches TV knows what lying scum advertising people are. Back when I was a stoner, we'd snicker about what crap the commercials were. If a bunch of buzzbrains with 12 functioning synaptic cells between them get it, advertisers would be shocked at how many "straight" people know those types are often douchebags with legs.
Right now, the one that annoys me the worst is Geico. Apparently, they have the mistaken belief that their computer generated little gecko is the kind of beloved cultural icon that the Taco Bell chihuahua was. They're mistaken in that. They're showing awesome computer graphics combined with banal scripting. The commercials are boring and stupid. Talk show guest, lecturing fellow lizards, general babble. I've seen toilet paper commercials with more flash and style, and it's hard to add pizzazz to asswipe.
Who else annoys me? That fake organization "Truth". Anti-cigarette smoking commercials funded by money bled off the tobacco companies in that asinine lawsuit several years back, plus loser Congresspigs with nothing better to be against making vicious legislation. Anyone who doesn't know cigarette smoking is bad for you is a moron, and any lawsuit they bring should be thrown out of court as frivolous. This got every pathetic, no-life anti-smoking loser to come sniveling out of the woodwork, whining about how tobacco smoke is killing them. Of course, they drive cars or SUVs, put all kinds of poisons on their yards and in their houses, but by golly, they're having orgasms of pleasure over telling me I can't smoke. Sink that money into cancer research, or improved cancer programs in hospitals nationwide. Then stop those taxes that are bleeding hell out of smokers, back off on the legislation to limit smoking to one's own personal property and, of course, kiss us smokers' collective asses.
Michael Moore is an advertiser. He's no journalist, he doesn't make documentaries; he makes anti-American commercials and dumbasses don't question the crap he produces. I want to puke every time somebody says, "He makes you think." No he doesn't. He twists the truth beyond recognition, tells outright lies, misrepresents. I'd like to have a bare-knuckle fat guy fight with him. I'd pound him till they dragged me off and held my hand up, or I had a coronary and was dragged off to the hospital.
Premium TV companies should be forced to make truth in advertising the way drug companies are having to these days. We'll get back to the drug companies sooner or later, but HBO owns at least one other premium channel, and though I stupidly continue to subscribe to a premium channel, it's a scam. There's a massive running of a few not too old releases, mixed with a smattering of old films, obscure films they probably paid next to nothing for, and quite a bit of recycled movies from a few years before. They now make series, just like regular TV, only they can throw in more sex and swearing than prime time. I read that now prime time TV providers are suing to be allowed to swear more on their shows. Maybe it'll help boost ratings if your favorite prime-time dectective can say "Fuckhead" to a bad guy, your favorite primetime heroine can say, "Hey, sailor, wanna fuck?" Oh yeah, that'll sure enhance my viewing experience. Back to the topic, the Premium providers should have to say something like, "This month! Five relatively new feature films, and a bunch of old shit, plus our award-winning series!"
Now, the Tall & Big Men's Stores? They have good ads.
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